Sunday, April 19, 2015

Desperation is a good thing...leads us to lean on what faith we have

1/16/15  Hey mom! Love the pics and i am glad you are getting the pics i have sent!  It sounds like Noa is super busy as are the rest of you! How have you been? HOws work? Could you sen me my tongan stuff??  haha.  I have to start packing for tonga cuz i leave next week!! ahhhh! its so crazy! Missionary life is pretty good. I had a crazy experience this week where i started to doubt myself and everything that i thought i knew.  I felt so inadequate as a missionary and even worse as a zone was not a fun experience.  But we had a wonderful suprise devotional with Elder Russel M. Nelson and his lovely wife.  and i was told by my teacher to take notes, not on what you hear, but rather, what i felt.  I did so and i felt pretty good about what i had written down but i still did not feel like it was helping me or my testimony...Most of what i had written down consisted of Sister Nelson's talk about how desperation is a good thing because it leads us to lean on the last of the faith that we have left.  Similar to the story of the woman who had a blood illness and was healed out of desperation to touch Christ's clothes. Afterwards we had a devotional review/testimony meeting.  I honestly was not in the mood to bare my testimony.  Nonetheless i thought to myself what i should say.  And something amazing happened...I thought to myself that i was tired of being down and that i was not going to get anywhere if i kept thinking so negatively so i told myself that i am going to exercise whatever faith i have left to tell what i beleive... When i stood up and bore my testimony...all fear had left me! all my doubts, unbelbelief, and questions were answered or dispelled!  I have never felt the spirirt so strongly in my life and i now know that i have an undying and unwavering testimony of this gospel! Since then i have never felt so happy out here in the mission field and i have never felt more confident in lessons and class!  I love this gospel!!!
It has been so awesome getting to hear from you Mom!  I love you forever and i love you for always!!
Ofa Lahi Atu!!!!
Elder Tavake

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